FOR THE HELL OF IT                   Vol. 2,  Number  3        02/04/11

PROMISES, PROMISES

It has been said that promises are made to be broken. This is most often said by people with only a rudimentary understanding of what one means by the word: “promise”.

So let’s take a look at the word. If we break down the etymology of the promise we have the first part – prom – which is taken from the ancient Greek – “pro-em”. Proem was a word ancient Greeks used to denote a dance or party for horny young people which included a great deal of revelry and drinking and eating all with the intent of getting one’s intended so smashed that he or she would no longer say things like “get away from my nethers” and “what, and mess up my new toga?” and instead say things like “OK, but if word of this gets out, you are a dead man!” and “do what you want, I’m gonna pass out. Let me know how I was.”

The second part of the word is also from the Greek Ise which is a form of the Greek word I combined with the Greek word Se. We put them together to form a word the Greeks used to denote viewing a thing – I see – or as the past tense of I have or Ise, as in Ise so damn drunk, I promise I’ll never drink again.

So to promise originally meant: I’ll see you at the dance and then we can either have sex or I will tell everyone we did have sex so you might as well just have sex with me. It was later used to indicate a promise to have sex if one spent enough at the dance – spent enough time, money, attention – etc. It became an obligation – a bond – a stated contract or trust between two equally horny young people.

Today, of course, promise means a verbal contract between a promiser and a promisee in which only one of the players – the promisee – actually believes the contract to be valid and binding.

Promises are frequently made and almost always broken. Who can forget Popeye’s friend Wimpy offering to pay Tuesday for a burger today? Certainly not Popeye. And did Wimpy ever pay? No sir. He did not.

The promiser or the promisee can be a person or a group of persons. Currently the most widespread use of the promise as described above happens every 4 years when a new President promises to protect the Constitution of the United States and then spends all of his time appointing czars and getting the government to become involved in free market activities it is actually constitutionally prohibited from doing. I can’t imagine who I’m referring to.

In fact while promises are frequently broken, they are rarely broken as frequently or on so large a stage as in the world of politics. And yet few politicians are held to their word. I remember a President who said it would no longer be “business as usual” and then named an old school long serving senator to be Vice President – thus ensuring that it would be business as usual. I even remember an a President promising no new taxes while raising tax rates on everything. I recall a Presidential nominee telling about being fired upon on an airport tarmac when video of the event showed it to be a lie.

I recall various political animals talking about their experiences doing things they never did and serving in positions they never had. It’s not breaking a promise or lying when it happens to a politician. It is called “misspeaking.” It is called “misremembering”.

You should try it the next time you are caught in a broken promise.
Sue: “Bob! What are you doing in bed with Mr. Filbert? You told me you were straight!”
Bob: “…uh. I misspoke.”

Alice: “Is this lipstick on your underwear? You said you were alone in Seattle!”
Bob: “…uh. I misremembered.”

In fact the word politician has it’s roots in ancient language as well. Politicus Bullshitus was an early leader of a group of Latin thinkers who often met to discuss the world and Latin plans for world domination and an end to Roman rule. Many of those assembled wondered why there was no place called Latinville or Latinland. They feared that they would just be remembered as a group of smartie pants people with a gift for language and no gift for becoming a people feared throughout the world.

Politicus Bullshitus would say: “Don’t worry boychiks! We will band together and take over the world from one sea to whatever the hell is over there — away from the sea.”

“Past Pete’s house?” the crowd would ask.

“Sure why not – whatever’s over there and beyond!”

‘ooooooh.” The assembled would murmur. Very few had gone much past Pete’s house let alone past their own houses.

“We will take over the world and instill Latin virtues and Latin law and Latin food. This I promise! Now gather your weapons!”

“We have no weapons – only wonderful vocabularies and great wisdom, “the crowd shouted.

“okay! We’ll pick up some sticks on the way! Now let’s attack the Romans and I promise victory!!!!!” shouted Politicus.

And the Latins attacked the Roman garrison. The Roman garrison did not fall however. The soldiers mocked the Latins saying “What are you gonna do? Hit us with your thesauruses?” And then the Romans killed everybody. But they kept the thesauruses and a few cookbooks too. And although Politicus Bullshitus lied to his people and did not keep his promise, he at least was right about Latin words and food. We still like that stuff today.

And so we see that Politics and broken promises are partners. They coexist in domestic bliss and always will. Unless we start holding them to their word which is unlikely because we’re all much too busy watching the Kardashians, Real housewives (“real housewives – really?”) and Survivors. And guess who got us hooked on that crap?

(Now those readers who actually speak Greek or went to school or know me may suspect that that I am making a good deal of this up. Well, I’m not. I promise.)

DwightCartoons © Johnny Heller