FOR THE HELL OF IT  VOL. 2 NO. 13

THE REALITY TV STAR ISSUE  (and some other stuff)

HOLLYWOOD…

Holly Madison – a reality TV star whose fame is owed entirely to her ownership of really large fake boobies – recently had her boobs insured for $1 million by Lloyd’s of London proving once again that Lloyd’s of London is to the insurance world what Carrot Top is to stand up comedy.

 

Madison is currently starring in “Peepshow” in Las Vegas where reviewers report that “she doesn’t sing or dance but mostly stands around.” Ms. Madison, fearing an injury to one or both of her boobs or, perhaps afraid they might decide to leave her of their own accord and run away to New Mexico to do dinner theater, decided her money makers needed the protection of an insurance policy.  Madison said: “Why not? If anything happened to my boobs, I’d probably be out for a few months…”

Ok. First, if anything happened to your boobs – like they took off to seek intelligent life somewhere or you lost them in a poker game – you’d be out for much longer than a few months.  I’m thinking …..Oh I dunno, what comes after forever?

Second, you allegedly went from an A cup to a Latte bowl and became a “star”.  Did you suddenly become talented?  No. Learn how to sing? No. Dance? No – remember that show with talentless celebrities like you that people with too much time on their hands like to watch ?…Dancing With the – I wanna say “Stars” but that can’t be right.  I’ve seen more talented people in line to audition for community theatre productions of Bent….well whatever it’s called, you lost.  In fact, one wonders how a girl with so little talent to offer gets to make a living in the entertainment industry.  Oh yeah!  You lived with Hugh Hefner!

If Americans knew that sleeping with Hefner meant they could get some insurance, he’d need a bigger grotto.  And, in this case, sleeping means sleeping.  But that’s all it took.  A few years with Hefner and now Madison’s boobs have better insurance coverage than the entire state of Ohio.

Apparently the brilliant Miss Madison ended up leaving Hefner because she realized their relationship had limits.  It wasn’t that she shared the 82-year-old with 2 other well endowed boob owners that caused their rift but it was that there were no kids in their future.  Hefner admitted that he knew a split was coming after he told the then 28-year-old Madison that they would never wed or have children.

Really?  He had to tell her?  I bet Lloyd’s turned down her request to insure her mind.

DANCING WITH THE….NIPS

The celebrity gossip world – which has sadly replaced the Algonquin Round Table – is all atwitter these days over the wardrobe malfunction that allegedly displayed Nancy Grace’s nipples to the entertainment starved millions who view Dancing With the Stars.

While Ms. Grace insisted that her nipples were covered with pasties and she wore an “industrial strength bra”, she still should not be excused for frightening so many people – with both her appearance on the program and the unscheduled appearance of whatever it is that’s attached to the end of her breasts.

For those unfamiliar with Ms. Grace, good work! It’s possible that you are listening to Audiobooks and broadening your horizons instead of pandering to the pedestrian puerile pursuits of peons.

She’s mostly known for her Nancy Grace TV show where she discusses current court events and interviews in an aggressive caustic style.  She has done a great deal to further cloud Americans understanding of fair play, justice and the legal system with her program. In fact George Washington University law Professor John Turley said that Grace, as an attorney and reporter, “has managed to demean both professions with her hype, rabid persona, and sensational analysis. Some part of the public takes her seriously, and her show erodes the respect for basic rights.”

And now it seems she’s trying to ruin nipples for all of us.  Make it stop Ms. Grace!  Make it stop!

MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER MUFFS IT….

Patti Stanger who is “famous” for her work arranging mates/dates for the wealthy and hosts a Bravo program called the Millionaire Matchmaker said some fairly regrettable things on something on Bravo called “Watch What Happens Live” where Bravo viewers can call in and chat with Bravo “stars” like Stanger.

Let me repeat: she’s a Bravo show host (which is much like being a park mime); she’s on a Bravo chat show where people who watch Bravo (people who like park mimes) can call in and discuss Bravo shows.  We’re not dealing with a large mensa meeting here.

A caller admitted to being homosexual and Stanger said: “There is no curbing the gay.”

(On a personal note, I have many gay friends and I’ve walked them repeatedly and I’ve always found them easy to curb.)  Stanger went on to assert that gay men lack the ability to be monogamous and, for a dash of zest, claimed that Jews lie.  And she said all of this to the chat show’s host who is not only her boss but happens to be Jewish and gay.

And this woman makes a fine living helping rich people hook up…something I just assumed would come easily to me after my first billion dollars or so.  Sadly for the curious, we still don’t know how Stanger feels about blacks, Indians or Norwegians.

TAKE THIS MOUTH AND STUFF IT…..

Legendary good ol boy and obvious beer lover, Hank Williams Jr. was removed from ESPN’s football program.  And by “removed” I mean that the show went forward without Williams’ annoying “Are You Ready For Some Football?” song.  Amazingly, the game between one city’s overpaid athletes vs. another city’s went on without the tune that no player on either team would ever have on their Ipods.

Williams was kicked off the ESPN program because Fox News had him on the air sharing his political opinions. That’s right. Hank Williams Jr. on FOX News to share his political opinions.  America needs the opinion of Hank Williams.  That those opinions were not politically correct (he compared Obama to Hitler  — which is weird because for one thing, Hitler had a mustache and spoke German.)

For me, when I think about the ethics of genome research and our potential to alter the very way our bodies are built, I always first ask  myself: “Well what does Hank Williams Jr. think about it?”

I also feel we also need the opinions of squeegee men and meth addicts but Fox didn’t have the time to get them all on the program.