FOR THE HELL OF IT                     VOL. 2 NUMBER 2   01/26/11

The History of Mankind

In today’s blog I shall visit a subject that we will need to revisit throughout the year – the History of Mankind – A Study in Stupidity.  We’ll look at various time periods in our history and how stupid we were at every turn and at the creation of what are now accepted practices, customs and mores regardless of the idiocy that caused the creation and continued practice of them.  We shall also, at times, look at historical movements and significant events in our world paying particular attention to any number of WTF moments.  Let us begin with the rise of aristocracy, nobility and fat cats.

The search for intelligent life in the universe has been a long and fruitless one for mankind.  We’ve scoured space, searched history and checked behind large rocks and still cannot accept that we are alone.  In fact we have yet to accept that the main reason we seek intelligent life elsewhere is because we can’t find it here.

It was only a few million eons ago that man first learned to communicate and his first words were – rumor has it – “Have you seen Zak? That guy’s an idiot!”  Most scientists agree that when man first donned clothes, the most popular item of apparel was yak fur emblazoned with the words “I’m with stupid” across the chest.

As posited at the start, history is filled with evidence of rampant stupidity and we look today at the creation of the upper class.

In the beginning – after Adam and Eve screwed the pooch by eating forbidden fruit (what? Mangoes weren’t enough?) – making life tough on all of us – mankind settled into little agricultural units.  Eventually the farmers grew more food than they needed for themselves and they had what we what is called a “surplus”.  (Our present government used to have a surplus but they spent it and plenty more to pay for bureaucrats whose one job is to find out what we like to do and make it illegal or taxable.)

This surplus was a problem for our ancestors who, like us, still didn’t understand money or escalating interest rates or how handy a surplus would be when faced with bad growing seasons.  Our ancestors didn’t understand much because they, much like us, were idiots.

However, they soon discovered that they could trade their crops for products they could not grow and did not need but wanted anyway – like doilies and Faberge eggs.  So, our ancestors were farmers and laborers and tillers of the earth.  After them came the tradesmen and merchants and the AFL-CIO.  And then came the rulers or as they were called in the day: “fat cats”.

The fat cats were the people who promised to oversee all the trading action and make sure no one got screwed over in exchange for a piece of that action.  These fat cats quickly realized that the real money was not in making sure the farmers and workers didn’t get screwed by anyone but that they didn’t get screwed by anyone but them. They grew rich and bought armies and large houses that couldn’t be adequately heated or maintained without a continual flow of cash.

In order to keep the cash coming, the fat cats taxed the farmers on what they grew and laborers on what they made and merchants on what they sold.  (Thus ensuring that the surplus that started the whole thing would no longer be available to the people who actually created it.)  The farmers were, of course, allowed to see the fruits of their hard work whenever they caught a glimpse of the nobles mucking about and dancing at royal balls.  It’s still unclear what the taxpayers got in exchange for their tax payments but it was noticed by even these thickies that taxpayers were getting beheaded far less frequently than non-taxpayers.

As time went on the fat cats began to believe that they weren’t worthless vermin living off the labors of their downtrodden fellow humans but that they were chosen by God to be placed above the masses.  That this absurd notion was so widely accepted by the very masses it kept in servitude is true testament to how stupid people really are.  It’s easy to see why the fat cats liked it – it meant they weren’t just shallow thugs, they were appointed by deity to rule!  Poke a peasant in the eye? God said to!  Kill a man to sleep with his wife, daughter or dog? Fine!  It’s God’s will!  Refer to yourself in the 3^rd person and say things like “we are not amused?”  Jeez, even God doesn’t pull that pretentious crap off…but I guess God said okay!

Eventually Kings and Queens were replaced by despots, dictators and duly elected democratic rulers who still treat the people like something foul they accidentally stepped in.  And who continually lets them rule our world even though if history has taught us that they haven’t a clue how to get it right? – us! We actually believe things that we know to be untrue – like that the same governments that destroyed the world  economy with reckless greed and rampant stupidity can now fix it if only we’ll give them more power and money!

A sign of active idiocy is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.  Things are bad now?  Wait until the 2012 election – it’ll get fixed then.

…right.

Next time as we continue our look at stupidity in action, we’ll look at how we give federal tax dollars so people who build their homes on known flood planes can rebuild those homes on the same flood plane when they get destroyed by — wait for it —- floods!  Ain’t we clever?

DwightCartoons © Johnny Heller