FOR THE HELL OF IT Vol. 2. No. 9

PALIN MULLING RUN….THE RUNS?
…..Sarah Palin is apparently considering running for the Republican nomination for the Presidency. Ms. Palin said when asked about her potential presidential race: “I think my problem is that I do have the fire in my belly.”

Sources close to the one time half term Governor of Alaska said: “yep. She’s got a fire in her belly alright. And from watchin her the last week or so, I think her butt itches too.”
Another opined: “I’ll say she’s got a fire in the belly. I think she ate about 5 bowls of endangered wolf chili at the Elks Club over the weekend. That stuff was smokin’!”

While she’s widely considered to be an absolute lock for the title of worst ever president should she decide to run for the office, there is no denying her media appeal. I say media appeal because if the media would simply treat her with attention she actually merits – and that would be none – then we’d be done with her and her family and their wild escapades and madcap adventures snowmobiling the Alaskan tundra and shooting endangered species from helicopters with semi-automatics or whatever they’re doing up there. Certainly, if the media wasn’t feeding us Palinisms every day, we would’ve been spared her daughter Bristol’s tawdry tale of premarital sex and could carry on happily having our own premarital sex. If the media would just treat her as they would the previous Governor of Alaska – who no one can name as no one in the lower 48 cares — she would not be in our daily news feeds.

True, she is interesting for having quit her job as Governor after being roundly defeated in her quest to become the most embarrassing Vice President since Dan Quayle and she does give her kids some fun names – I think they are called Trigger, Whitefish, Wheat Chex and Oreo but I may be wrong. But she is not a viable candidate for the nation’s highest office. She is a boon to comedians everywhere and certainly Tina Fey is licking her chops at the prospect of Palin on parade, but can’t we do the right thing here and just ignore her?

No.

We can’t. The media won’t let us. Of course, Palin won’t commit to a presidential run and she doesn’t need to. She makes oodles of money for her PAC just by being an attention getter. She mounts a bus tour and visits significant sites of Americana – much like a politician might do before announcing a run for the Presidency. But she won’t say she is running. “Ya know, this ol country of mine, it could use some good ol Alaskan reform you bet,” says Palin – or something much like that when responding to a question like – “Sarah, where are you having breakfast today?”

The media is actually complaining about Palin’s bus tour. Even though all she’s doing is driving around visiting cool places like a person with time on her hands and a desire to travel might do (of course most of us wouldn’t use a big ass bus) and the media is upset that she won’t tell them in advance where she’ll be going. The media is saying they are having a hard time following the huge red and white and blue Palin bus. Really? I guess these aren’t what one would call crack investigative reporters, huh? It’s a bus!

Note to media: What you do, to really follow a bus well, is to drive behind it and go where it goes. Let’s say it stops somewhere. Well, and this is tricky, you stop too.
If the media can’t follow a monster bus carrying the most overrated overexposed dim witted excuse for a half term governor in the land, then perhaps they’d be best off quitting their gigs and going to work for her nascent campaign. They’d likely be moved quickly up the ranks – ahead of the morons but a little below the dunderheads.

WEINERVILLE….NYC/Washington DC

Congressman Anthony Weiner finally admitted that the evil culprit who hacked into his twitter account and sent a lewd picture of a “bulge” in briefs to a young lady he has never met was, in fact, him.

Weiner had denied it was his wiener but he finally came clean and, one hopes, so did the briefs. Weiner claimed he lied “because I was ashamed at what I had done.” For a Congressman to admit to being ashamed of himself for either his actions or his lies after, is a rare thing in Washington. If all the members of congress would admit that they were a bunch of two-faced charlatans without even an ounce of integrity between them, we’d still be totally screwed but at least we’d be honest about it.

One wonders why an up and coming Democratic Congressman with an eye on higher office would send pictures of his junk to women who never requested the gift. “It was inappropriate” said Weiner. Really? ya think? What the hell were you thinking? “Hmmm, this girl has a cute name….maybe I should send her a picture of my johnson.” In what universe is that the way to communicate? If it was the right thing to do, don’t you think you’d see Hallmark cards with pictures of underwear bulges and heartfelt sentiments inside? “Thinking of you….while in my skivvies.” “My penis and I hope you’re feeling better.” “Happy Birthday! Your gift is in the shorts!”

.What is expected of the woman receiving the photo? Is she expected to say: “Oh my god! What a promising photo! Gosh I wonder who’s penis that is?” Is she expected to friend the penis on facebook? How does she get in touch with the penis’ owner if she wants more photos so she can make a junk-in-shorts collage?

So far Weiner refuses to resign and minority leader Nancy Pelosi announced that she would call for an Ethics Committee Investigation to “determine whether any official resources were used or any other violation of House rules occurred.” Lemme think. “official resources” – whose camera was used? Did he use a congressional camera not intended for penis pics? “I know he never signed out for the House penis cam,” said House AV-Supplies Page Throgmorton Wingbottom. “I think if he used the House up skirt cam for those pictures, there could be a problem.”
How can his action not violate House rules? While I don’t think that “I won’t send pictures of my John Thomas to people while in office” is in the actual oath, surely his actions are a betrayal of common sense and honorable behavior.

The sad truth is that the words “honorable” and “Congressman” no longer belong in the same sentence.

DwightCartoons © Johnny Heller